The Phrases from My Dad That Helped Me during my time as a New Parent

"I think I was just just surviving for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood.

But the truth rapidly became "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver while also caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every change… every stroll. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he reached burnout. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he needed help.

The simple statement "You aren't in a healthy space. You require some help. What can I do to help you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and find a way back.

His situation is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While society is now better used to discussing the stress on mums and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges dads face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan feels his challenges are linked to a broader inability to talk between men, who continue to internalise harmful perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and remains standing with each wave."

"It isn't a show of being weak to request help. I didn't do that quick enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, says men often don't want to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not justified to be seeking help" - particularly in front of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental state is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the opportunity to request a respite - taking a short trip away, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He realised he needed to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's feelings alongside the day-to-day duties of looking after a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences meant his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "bad actions" when younger to change how he felt, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as escapism from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he says. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Advice for Managing as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a trusted person, your other half or a professional about your state of mind. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the activities that made you feel like you before the baby arrived. Examples include playing sport, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical stuff - eating well, staying active and if you can, resting, all play a role in how your emotional health is faring.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - sharing their experiences, the challenges, as well as the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - looking after yourself is the most effective way you can support your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead offer the safety and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - managing the frustrations constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men since they acknowledged their issues, changed how they talk, and figured out how to manage themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, at times I feel like my job is to guide and direct you what to do, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."